Reflection

So tonight my 5 year old daughter and I got into a really big fight...yeah something that would happen when she was like a teenager. Yelling, screaming, attitude, mean things said and craziness. Well she has been acting up lately and it has been really bothering my husband and I. We have not known how to really deal with it...so tonight it came to a HUGE fight. Well then afterwards there were a lot of tears and apologies. I feel horrible, she feels horrilble and then we hugged, forgive each other and took a walk before bed. Well I can not get over it. I have been praying and crying and I just can't seem to move past it...so I knew I needed to blog about it to get the thoughts out of my head. Well how do I expect so much from a 5 year old when I have barely any self control as well. She talks with attitude as do I and she yells as do I. She is me...and parts of her are the bad parts of me. It is really hard. Your child is a mirror of you...whether you like it or not. And I do not like it. It is really hard at five to figure this all out, because now she is who she is. I love who she is don't get me wrong, but her stubborness and her attitude and not listening drive me bonkers. I wish I could have done it all over again. I was young, naive and a single parent and I did not take my job seriously. (Parenting Job.) It breaks my heart that I have been this way...you know so much more with your second child and with age. I feel like I cheated my first born out of alot of things. I am a great parent now and I am trying to do my best with my second one who is almost six months old, everything I did wrong with Chloe I promise I will not do with Ella. But how is that fair...it is hard to realize but it is reality. I just am doing my best now and I pray for her and my relationship that it will be strong and I also pray for the teenage years that we will have figure it out before that time comes. Also I have been praying about it and I feel that God is telling me to not care what other people think. I want Chloe to be the perfect child, because it is a reflection of me...but you know what I have to stop caring about what people think and start being an advocate for my daughter...who cares what people think about me as a parent...I care what Chloe thinks of me and God, because in the end that is what matters. My relationship with Jesus and my family.

MOVE

So we finally moved...well actually we are still in the process. We moved all of our furniture on Saturday and have been slooooowly getting the rest of our stuff to our new house and unpacked and put in its rightful place. Wow is moving hard. I have not moved for three years and in those three years, we got furniture, a new baby and lots more stuff. Yeah last time we moved we bought new furniture so it was shipped to our house. That was nice. Well anyways we moved into a townhome and it is not really any bigger than our previous place, just a really nice neighborhood and great school for Chloe to start kindergarten this fall. We are very happy with the move!!

Baby Wearing

So I LOVE to wear my baby. Ella LOVES it too! I am able to get things done and also able to hold my baby close to me. :) I have a baby Ktan and I love it. People always comment and make compliments on it. They want to know where to get one and how it works. This product is my favorite baby product that I have. Some people think that it will spoil her, but I do not think so. She loves to be close as do I, so why not. I won a New Native Sling on a blog that I follow and I am SO excited to try her in it. I think that the New Native will be nice for naps, because I can lay her down. The Baby Ktan is great for outings. It is really easy and quick to use so it is easy for outings. Ella loves to look around while we are out. The New Native looks like I will love it for home for the sleeping thing and when we are at home she is not as apt to look around. I love babywearing and recommend everyone with a baby to get a sling or wrap or both. I really want to try a mei tei also...but who knows when we will be able to afford another one. My husband has the Baby Bjorn and will wear Ella in that...but it is hard for long trips as it is uncomfortable after awhile. I love babywearing!! :)

Talk to God

So on Sunday at church our sermon was about talking to God. Asking him questions? It is so true...if you want to know what to do in a situation just ask. Sometimes I forget to ask and struggle with figuring out what to do in a situation and other times I doubt God. I doubt that he will answer. So ridiculous...right? I have got to get better about constantly remebering to ask him...I DO know that he will answer...it just might not be what I want or how I want him to answer. So with that note I will try to ask him and remember to talk to him regularly. Ok off that topic we are moving and we will start cleaning and painting the new place this week and hopefully start moving everything this weekend. I am excited, but there is alot to do. We have to clean the new place and the old place, I do not know how this is all going to work with two kids, and not just any two kids, one is a REALLY needy baby...I can not just drop her off with someone while I get stuff done. My friends have been offering to take both kiddos while we do stuff....oh how lovely...not...my babe will not go with anyone but me or her daddy. Also she LOVES to be held. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE that my baby needs me and wants to be with me all the time and to be held....it is usually ok, but it does make it hard sometimes....oh well. I know we will get it done it just might take awhile and it might be hard. :) Oh....this is where I would just go about my way and try to do it myself....but no...I am going to ask God to give me patience while cleaning and moving and to have Ella and Chloe be as easy as possible...ok I guess just to really give me peace and patience! :) Anyways...also we got Ella the excersaucer...Chloe LOVED the swing, bouncer, excersaucer...she loved it all...no not Ella...she is ok for a couple minutes but then wants to be held. Well with the excersaucer she really likes it. So lets hope we can use that while moving. Also Ella is rolling all the time...it is cute...perfect time to move...we can babyproof the whole house. Yeah!! :) Chloe will be starting kindergarten in about 6 weeks...crazy....I will have a child in school...everyday...from now on for a LONG time!! It is crazy how fast they grow!! :)